Ike's Journal
by mssilenthorse
Summary: After Ike's death, Buck find's his journal.
1. Chapter 1

**Many times on the show I saw Ike write in his journal. This is my way of putting it all together.**

Buck sat heavy hearted, and misty eyed on the bench at the table in the bunkhouse. He was dreading this task but knew it had to be done. Ike was gone, forever to soar with eagles. Now Buck had to go through his brother's belongings. The trunk sat in front of him on the floor. His palms were sweaty and his hands were shaking as he opened the lid. He pulled out a few shirts and pants and set them aside. He pulled out an old cigar box and took a deep breath as he opened the lid. He pulled out the pocket watch, holding it by its chain, watching it spin before sitting it down in the lid of the box. It must have belonged to Ike's father. He picked up the cameo on a chain and smiled at the image before laying it beside the watch. He thumbed through the old faded letters, before noticing the folded piece of paper at the bottom. He opened it and read the word WANTED across the top. He remembered the day Ike had told him about the men that had killed his family. Buck refolded the paper and laid everything back into the box and closed the lid.

He wiped his arm across his eyes and was thankful the other rider's were at Rachel's giving him space to do this. He looked back into the trunk and saw the corner of the leather bound book sticking out from under a shirt. He reached a shaky hand down into the clothing and pulled out the book. He ran his fingers over the cover and closed his eyes. "Oh, Ike." He could remember many times when he had seen his brother scribbling away in the book that he held in his hands. He opened his eyes and opened the cover; a small smile creased his lips as he read the words on the first page.

"_Today Buck and I stood along a fence line with four other boys. All of us different as the day is long, but we all had somethin' in common. We were orphans. Now I only knew one person there and that was Buck. We all stood there waiting on the station master to show up. Little did we know that he was already there; lying in the horse trough. He sat up and then used a horse's tail as a towel to dry himself with."_

Buck chuckled at the memory and kept reading, "He tried to trick Buck with some arrows but Buck knew them all. The next boy in line was Jimmy Hickok. He looked like he enjoyed the company of danger. He was a bit cocky. When Teaspoon got to me I thought for sure he'd tell me to leave. He knocked my hat off my head and told me to speak up. That's when Buck spoke up for me. He did that a lot and I don't think I ever thanked him for doing it, but I will next time."

Buck had to stop reading. He knew Ike had been grateful for his help. He thumbed through the pages and saw the book was nearly full. He couldn't wait to read the writings and get into his friends thoughts. He went back to reading the description of that day.

"_Beside me on the other side was William F. Cody. He was a great shot with his Hawkins and a he is a huge clown. He has the appetite of a horse. Beside him was a puny boy I thought was a bout thirteen, but he sure could ride. There is somethin' about that boy though I can't quite put my finger on it. I may need to talk to Buck about him. Then there was Kid. That is what he wants to be called. I bet somebody will find out his real name."_

Buck closed his eyes and thought back to that day. They were a scattered tribe of kindred spirits meeting and becoming a family. They had learned that family wasn't a birthright, it was a treasure gained through laughter and tears. Buck closed the lid of the trunk and turned himself around on the bench; he sat the journal on the table and continued reading.

"_That first week was pretty exhausting with all the stuff Teaspoon was teachin' us and I think that exhaustion got the better of me when I was in the barn with the horses. I was brushin' down the new Mustang and I turned my back get a different brushed and he kicked me in the head. I don't remember walking back to the bunkhouse but I do remember the look of concern on Buck's face. Jimmy said he was gonna put the Mustang down, but I begged him not to. I had been my fault after all. Jimmy sat back down as Emma, the woman that I had overheard say that as long as she was around; we weren't orphans, took me into her arms and bandaged my head as she hummed a lullaby. I hadn't felt comforting arms like that around me since my parents died. I think I might like it here."_

Buck smiled at the thought of what Emma's kindness had meant to Ike and to the rest of them. He had sent her a letter telling her about Ike's death; it was the hardest letter he had ever written. He had received a tear stained one in return from her. The letter filled with hers and Sam's condolences and wonderful memories.

Buck was lost in thought and hadn't heard the bunkhouse door open, or footsteps that led Teaspoon to his side. When the older man placed a hand on buck's shoulder he jumped.

"You okay, Son?" The older man asked with eyes full of concern.

Buck looked up at the man that had become a father to him and the others and nodded. "I was reading Ike's journal, about the first week we all met."

Teaspoon smiled at the memory, "You all sure have come a long ways since that first week."

Buck looked down at the journal then back up at Teaspoon. "I never thought this…" he held up the worn leather book, "…would be all I had left of him." He said trying not to let his mentor see the tears that glistened in his eyes.

Teaspoon sat down on the bench beside the man that was once a shy boy that had only Ike to lean on. "You have more than that book…" Teaspoon tapped the book with his fingers, "…You have his memory and when a person we love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure," he said the words with certainty.

Buck nodded and smiled his crooked grin. "There's a page about you in here," he said trying to sound brave.

"Really? Let me see that," Teaspoon smiled as Buck turned to the page that had Ike's words about Teaspoon on them. Then slid the book over to the man who began reading….

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Stay tuned for the next chapter to see what Ike wrote about Teaspoon...**


	2. Chapter 2

Teaspoon took the book into his hands and with a curious voice he began reading

_"Our station Master is Teaspoon Hunter, sometimes he is a bit hard to understand but I can relate to that. At times, I have thought him a wise man but today at the swimmin' hole, we all saw a whole nuther side of the man._

_We were all at the swimmin' hole but only Lou was in the water because, well, because she was swimming in her birthday suit. I won't lie, I wish I had seen it but Kid told us to let her have her time alone. Well that was all fine and dandy but what we didn't know was that Teaspoon was strippin' down to his long johns and getting' in the water._

_Now the problem with this is that he was the only one among us that didn't know she was a girl. She told him not to come into the water but he just went runnin' right in and started splashin' her. When she didn't splash him back he decided she needed an alley oop and went under the water to flip her. Well she screamed and we all came a runnin,' Kid had his gun ready not knowin' what was wrong. We got to the edge of the pond just as Teaspoon's head popped up out of the water. Needless to say, he just found out Lou was Louise._

_The look on his face was somethin' I will never forget."_

Teaspoon set the book down with a smile. "Oh yeah I remember that day. You boys could have said somethin' sooner." He said.

Buck smiled "We made a promise to Lou" Buck flipped through the book again, stopping on another page. He handed the book back to Teaspoon just as the bunkhouse door opened again. Jimmy peaked in silently asking permission to come in.

"Come on in." Buck said as the door swung open and the others all filed in. Kid and Lou sat down on the bench across from them. Jimmy kicked off his boots and stretched out on his bed folding his arms under his head. Cody stood by his bunk and took his coat off before sitting on the edge of the bed.

Teaspoon glanced at the page; he puffed his chest out and licked his lips as he read the words aloud.

_"Teaspoon is always comin' up with things for us to do in our spare time. Like the other day when he came from town with a wooden crate. Jimmy, Kid and Buck had already seen what was in it. I was shocked to see some balls, a few weird lookin' hats and some clubs, he said they were called baseball bats, and they were for playing a game called baseball. Now if I remember right, you were supposed to hit the ball and run in circles around the bases. Well Cody decided he would throw the ball to Jimmy who stood there with the bat. Cody did some sort of weird looking chicken dance and then threw the ball. Jimmy missed it all five times. Finally on the sixth throw, Jimmy hit the ball and I ran after it. I had to climb the fence to get it. I turned around to throw it and saw Jimmy crawling around the bases. Now I don't remember Teaspoon tellin' us to do that but I guess it was legal. Teaspoon yelled to throw the ball to the pitcher, so I did. Cody caught it and threw it at Jimmy as he ran toward home plate, hittin' him right in the leg, well that started a ruckus between Jimmy and Cody and the next thing I knew we were all rollin' around in the dirt. Teaspoon sure knows how to have fun."_

Teaspoon smiled at that last line and his chest swelled with pride. Cody smiled at the memory and said, "I got good aim with or with out a gun." He ducked as Jimmy threw a pillow at him.

Buck smiled at the lighthearted shenanigans. He heard Teaspoon clear his throat as he finished continued reading.

_"Sometimes the things he comes up with surprise us. He has experienced a lot and I am sure forgotten most of it."_

Lou chuckled at that and Teaspoon looked over the book at her, as she covered her mouth with her hands.

_"There was the one time when we heard him tinkering in the barn. When we found him, he was spinning this big wheel around. He called it a velocipede. It was the strangest lookin' thing I had ever seen. He said it could replace the horse. I doubt that thing will ever replace my horse. It had a big wheel in the front, a little wheel in the back and two handles that you use to turn the big wheel in the front. We all tried ridin' it. Jimmy fell into the pig pin, Lou rode it all the way into the barn and crashed, luckily she landed in the hay. Buck barely stayed on after we let go. I got my turn to ride that thing and I didn't ride it long either, but at least I didn't fall in with the pigs."_

A few snickers and laughs floated through the bunkhouse.

"Are you ever gonna get that thing outta the barn?" Cody asked referring to the velocipede that was collecting cob webs in a forgotten corner of the barn.

Teaspoon shook his head "It may be needed again someday." He looked down at the next entry on the page.

"_I remember one hot day and we were all out on the porch looking at this wooden contraption with a handle on it. Teaspoon was talking about this iced cream stuff tasting like a frozen cloud, and how cold it was on a sultry day like this. It sure sounded good but this was too much work for a little treat. I don't know about a frozen cloud but after cranking the handle on that machine, my arm hurt for days. All of us took a turn at it, even Teaspoon; he was turning the handle way into supper time that evenin' and when he brought the finished product into the bunkhouse, we all stared at it. It did look like a frozen cloud but I sure wasn't gonna taste it first. Teaspoon raised the spoon to his mouth and to taste it. "Perfection." He said, and then offered some to Rachel. Her eyes closed as if she was in a dream, the look of pure Heaven on her face had us all reaching for a spoonful. Once again Teaspoon had been right; it was like a frozen cloud. It was a delicious medley of sweet rich creaminess that melted in my mouth and slid down my throat. That was one of the best treats I had ever had…"_

Teaspoon sat the book down. There were a lot of memories in that little book. He looked around the room at the faces that once seemed young and innocent, now his boys and girl looked haggard and aged beyond their young years.

"Hey, what's his journal say about me?" Lou asked…..


	3. Chapter 3

Lou flipped through a couple pages and stopped when she saw her name. Lou read the words that were obviously written before her secret was known. She watched the faces of the others as she read Ike's words.

"_Lou. That's what he said his name was. He is a little fella but he can ride. He doesn't seem as trigger happy as the others but he can handle his own. I wouldn't mind having him next to me in a gunfight. Although there is something about him I just can't put my finger on. Buck watches him sometimes and I think Buck notices it too_."

She flipped through the book and found the page she knew was in there.

"_Today changed the way we saw each other. Some secrets are meant to be kept. I met the others at the orphanage in St. Joe, where Lou's brother and sister were livin'. I wasn't there for the whole rescue but I heard them talking and asked Buck what all the talk was about. He said that Lou was actually Louise. Yep, I was shocked but it all made sense to me now. I smiled as I watched the others interact with her. On the way back to the station I we stopped just on the edge of the property. Lou looked a bit sad; she said that once Teaspoon found out he would fire her. We all promised to keep her secret. I think if Teaspoon fired her we would all walk off. Kid is one lucky man to have a woman like that_."

Lou looked over at Kid who winked at her, she could feel her cheeks turn red; she quickly looked back down at the book in her hand; and continued reading.

"_Lou had always worn her boy clothes at the station so when Emma asked us all to come in and have some tea, I was abit confused when she said it was a comin' out party. But when Lou..Louise walked down those steps in that dress I was in shock, I mean yeah we knew she was a girl but to see her in a dress was a whole different thing. I think we all stood there in shock. Afterwards I asked Buck what he had thought of her in the dress. My brother was speechless, but the truth was in his eyes, he had thought she was as beautiful as we had all thought she was_."

Lou looked at the other rider's. Her cheeks suddenly felt warmer as none of them looked her in the eye.

Teaspoon smiled at her "Well the boy was right, you are a sight in a dress." He said as he patted her hand.

She had to clear her throat before she finished

".._but now in the kitchen there is a whole nuther Lou. She tried to cook for us once, and I say once because she nearly burnt the place down. She was makin' chicken and didn't keep track of the time. Well by the time she remembered there was smoke billowing out the windows. We all didn't eat much that night and we were all grateful when Emma returned._"

Lou looked over the book at the now snickering riders. Cody smiled at Kid. "Boy you're gonna starve if you two ever get hitched." Kid slapped Cody across the chest.

Lou shook her head and read the next entry.

"_Again Lou has shown her friendship, I sat out by the corrals with Samson thinking about Annie when she walked over to me and handed me a red velvet pouch, when I opened I pulled out the prettiest ring I ever saw. I was shocked that she would give it to me so I tried to hand it back to her. She refused it saying she didn't need it anymore now that her and Kid were broke up. I could tell she was upset, she made me promise not to tell him about the ring so of course I won't tell him. She looked all sad like a wounded puppy so I stood up and pulled her into a brotherly hug. Then she told me to take care of Annie. Well I smiled at her to keep her from seeing my true emotions_."

Kid looked over at Lou. "You bought a ring?" he asked

Lou exhaled a deep breath and simple said "Yes, I did. That was a long time ago."

Kid apparently didn't like that answer. "Why did you buy a ring?"

Lou knew he would keep at it until she answered so she simple smiled and said, "Because I am a girl after all."

Before Kid could say anything else Cody cut in as he reached over Lou's shoulder and grabbed the journal. "Let's see what else is in here." He took a spot next to Lou thumbing through the well read pages.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Cody's chapter can only mean fun and games.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Ah ha here we go." He said as his eye brows raised.

Cody was curious to know what their silent friend had written about him.

"_Today was a busy day for a Sunday. We had a huge amount of chores to catch up on since we all had runs this week. All I wanted to do was sleep after my two day run, but instead Teaspoon had me mucking out stalls and tending to the hay loft._

_Cody has been a joker all day. Well he always is. Today he managed to trip stepping off the porch then acted like it was intentional. Then he hid in one of the barn stalls and when Kid and I went in there to get some leather straps to repair a saddle, he scraped a pitchfork along the wood. I will admit I was a bit frightened but Kid was terrified as the sound continued to get louder. Kid backed himself up against the barn wall. I knew the stall had been empty earlier so I had no idea what was in there. The sound stopped and Kid and I looked at each other and slowly walked to where the sound had come from when the sound started up again, Kid jumped nearly outta his skin and when Cody jumped out with the pitchfork and a rowdy laugh, I thought Kid was gonna shoot him. Jimmy would have_. "

Cody couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Kid gave him an evil stare. "Come on Kid that was classic." He shrugged his shoulders and continued reading.

"_Cody is always doin' somthin' to make us laugh or annoy us; dependin' on our moods I guess. Sometimes we enjoy his antics other times we just stay out of his way. That reminds me of the other day. Jimmy had just gotten off of a two day run and he was asleep on his feet. His eyelids had decided that sleep was more important than taking his clothes off so he just passed out on his bed. I was sitting on my bed, Buck was at the table sharpening his knife and Kid and Lou were outside. Cody comes in through the bunkhouse door and as Buck looks in his direction he placed a finger over his lips to keep Buck silent. Buck was not gonna be part of his insanity so he just kept his mouth shut._

_Cody slowly walked over to Jimmy's bunk and pulled a roll of fire crackers out of his pocket. Buck stood up and walked farther away from the mayhem that was about to be. Cody tried not to laugh as he lit the fuse on the fire cracker and tossed the roll under Jimmy's bed then ran over to where Buck was as the fire crackers starting popping. .POP. POP .Jimmy jumped up saying words I'm glad I can't repeat and reached for his gun. Luckily he had hung it on the hook by the door. He could see by the smile on Cody's face that he was the culprit. "Damn you , Cody." Jimmy jumped up and ran to his gun as Cody ran out the back door._

_Buck sat back down laughing and I was glad Cody was on our side._

_Buck got a taste of Cody's orneriness a few days later, but I have to say, Buck won this time._

_We were all down at the swimming hole and Buck took off his medicine pouch and hung it on a branch, Cody started asking questions about it and Noah and Kid tried to get him to leave the subject alone. Well I caught him with the pouch and he had exchanged Buck's herbs for sand. He told me not to say anything but I was ready to tell when he said to just wait and see what happens. Well all I can say is that the Spirits were angry at Cody. He came in from a ride and looked like he had been to hell and back. Then laid on his bunk and it fell through with him on it. I tried to tell him he had angered the spirits but he didn't believe me. He showed up at the table with a rabbit's foot around his neck and the others teased him about it but he said again that spirits didn't exist. Well that was right before one of his teeth fell out. Then later that day he was trying to get me to help him return the herbs to the pouch. I told him no and just after that a pile of hay fell down from the cable that was holding it and landed right behind. That made him realize the Spirit's were angry so he ran to Buck and begged him to make the Spirit's happy with him. Buck told him of an old ritual, I tried to keep a strait face 'cause I knew what was coming. Cody was ready to try anything so Buck took him back to the swimmin' hole and had him strip down and paint his body then while we hid in the bushes, Buck made him run across the river three times, then Buck told him to return to the spot where he opened the pouch and pour some pork fat over his head. Well Cody did that and looked like a fool doin' it but Buck wasn't done. He told him to cover himself with dirt._

_Cody was filthy when he asked "Buck do you think the Spirit's understand all this?"_

_Buck laughed and said " I dunno but they sure will get a laugh from it"_

_That was our cue. Me, Kid, Lou and Noah all came out from our hiding spot and threw water on Cody_

_He was madder then a wet hen. He started to chase Buck threw the water. After that he settled down a bit but he was soon back to his antics."_

The bunkhouse was full of laughter at the memory.

Teaspoon took a deep breath and controlled his laughter, he wiped at the laughter tears in his eyes as he said "Dag gum, ya'll should have invited me along on that one."

Kid reached for the journal. "Okay, what else is in this book."


	5. Chapter 5

Kids blue eyes scanned a few pages until his name caught his eye.

"He says his name is Kid, we have all tried to get his real name outta him but it just doesn't happen. He has a special bond with his horse most don't understand but in a way I do. Animals sense our feelings and our emotions. I think Kid and Katy are like me and Samson.

Well just the other night there was a thunderstorm and the thunder scared the horses. They broke the fence and scattered everywhere, we were having a hard time roundin' them up. Kid had Katy over at Doc Wheeler's and as he was leavin' there he found Sundance and brought him back, we were all in the barn when we realized the new colt was missin'. But before we could go lookin' for it a big black man came walkin' carrying the colt. He said his name was Ulysses. Well he came in real handy the next day, not only did he fix the fence before we even woke up he saved Katy too.

Lou told us there was a fire at Doc wheeler's but we had no idea until we got there how bad it was. I heard doc wheeler tell us that Katy was in there and kid was trying to get her out. I was the first one in there with Cody and Jimmy close on my heels The smoke inside that barn was stifling I could hear Kid calling for Katy and she neighed back to him. As we wrestled with kid to get him outta the barn. Once we got him outside Kid fought us more saying he wanted to get a shot off at Katy. He was worried she was gonna burn to death. I felt sick ' he loved that horse. He had fought for that horse. She was all he had. I understand the connection between people and animals, if that had been Samson in there, they would be pulling me out. That's when Ulysses said "If you get your horse out come with me" We followed him to the horse trough where he told us to cover our bodies with water. We did. He climbed up onto the roof and chopped several holes in it to release the smoke, then we all took turns choppin down the wall until kid ran in and untied Katy. I could hear a sigh of relief when he checked her over and found no injuries. He was lucky that day."

Kid thought about Ike's words. The others would at times say things about him and Katy but Ike seemed to understand. He had with animals as if he was one with them. He had seen the way he was with Samson the donkey, nobody else could feed the stubborn animal but if Ike walked up to the stall he'd eat right out of his hand.

Kid thought about the donkey now and what would Katy do if anything happened to him. His eyes showed emotions that his heart tried to hide.

"What's gonna happen to Samson now that Ike ain't here to feed him." He asked a bit sullen.

Everyone looked at Buck who seemed to pondering the question. He knew Ike and that donkey had a bond "That donkey ain't goin' anywhere, we'll be… he'll be fine without Ike." Buck stood up and walked to the window as Kid continued reading

"We all met Kid's brother Jed today, him and Kid ain't seen each other in years. His brother is in the Army, Kid seems proud of him. Jed took us to a saloon to have a good time. It was loud and smoky. Had some real pretty ladies dancin' around, and this guy bettin' we couldn't find the pea under these lil shells well me and Buck watched the man slide the shells around then I bet on the one me and Buck knew was the right one, Buck has a good eye for detail so I never doubted his instincts, but when the guy lifted up the shell nuttin' was under it, he started to take my money when Jed stepped up and revealed the man was cheatin', he got our money back. Jed seemed to be a really good guy. Although Emma was fired up when we made it back as the sun was comin' up. I barely remember getting' off my horse and I sure don't remember how I got this red feather boa either…"

Several laughs echoed throughout the bunkhouse and Buck smiled at the memory. Thinking back on that night he couldn't remember how Ike had gotten that boa either. He heard Kid talking about his brother Jed and how his death had been so untimely and shouldn't have happen. Those same words had echoed in his own head the last few days about his brother. Ike wouldn't want the sadness he would want everyone laughing. Buck looked at the door as Rachel peaked her head in.  
>"Mind if I join you?" She asked placing a hand on Buck's shoulder.<p>

Kid stood up so that Rachel could have his spot at the table. Kid smiled at her with moist eyes. "Ike wrote something about all of us in here." He pointed to a line in the book and handed it to Noah, "Here Noah"

Noah looked around the room "You guys knew him alot longer then I did maybe someone else should go next." he pushed the book toward Jimmy who still laid in his bunk.

Rachel smiled "You go ahead Noah,"

Noah took a deep breath and began reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Noah stared forlorn at the book in his hands. He had never known one person who could bring out these many emotions in the family around them. He cleared his throat and tried to keep his voice from cracking as he began to read.

"_The move to Rock Creek was hard, I mean Sweetwater was our home and a lot of things had happened there. Teaspoon said we did a lot a growin' up there. Well here in Rock Creek we met a new rider, he didn't start out as a rider but he became one. Noah Dixon a free black man that Jimmy met in Saddle Falls on a run up there. Noah and his friend Sally brought Jimmy back; he had been shot in the leg. I like having someone here that is different like me and has faced a lot of trials and pain, just for being born the color that his was. He fits here. We all fit here_."

Noah thought back to that first day riding into this family. Sally had raised him but this was the closest thing he had had to a family.

"That Sally sure was a pistol" Cody said breaking Noah out of his memories.

"You should have been around when I was growin' up with her." Noah chuckled and flipped through the book in his hand.

"_He has a silver saddle that belonged to his pa; he had to sell it to free some slaves. I remember when Rachel won it back in a poker game. We were in the barn when Jimmy, Kid and Noah rode in. Lou ran out and whistled. You should have seen the look on Noah's face when that horse trotted up along side him with that silver saddle cinched on. He looked like a little kid at Christmas_."

Teaspoon looked over at Rachel "Are you ever gonna tell us how you managed to win against those cheating gamblers?"

Rachel smiled and raised her eyebrows. "A magician never reveals their tricks" She said smiling at Lou who had been there with her.

"Well however you ladies managed to do it, I thank you." Noah said graciously before returning to the book.

"_He has a gun and a whip. Black and silver just like his saddle. I have never seen anyone use a whip before. I was sitting on the porch watching him crack his whip at some apples that sat on the corral fence. Now, I've seen Jimmy shoot cans and leave a hole in them but when Noah was done with that whip, there wasn't enough of them apples left to feed to Samson; just apple sauce laying in the dirt. That whip must mean a great deal to him because he sleeps with it under his pillow, yeah I know that sounds odd but I have seen it, I guess it's easier for him to get to that way."_

Noah finished with a laugh."Always be prepared." He held the book out to Jimmy, "You wanna read what it says in here about you, Jimmy?"

Jimmy had remained on his bed this whole time listening to the others read about themselves through Ike's words. He wasn't quite sure if he really wanted to go down that road or not. He had learned to read quite well but was feeling a bit down, alot had happened in recent days and it had him thinking about alot of things, including his own mortality.

"Nah, you go ahead." He said with a fake yawn.

Buck still stood by the window but now he watched this group of people who were sharing in the memories that he would always cherish. He thought about the times that Ike had written in his journal. Just random thoughts about the day and this group of misfits that surrounded him. He thought about how one person could bring them all together even after his death. He took a deep breath and fought back the tears as he watched Rachel reach for the book. She ran her fingers over the brown leather cover and smiled at the horrible hand writing that marched across the pages.

"Definitely a man's handwriting." She found a page that had Jimmy's name on it.

"Would it be alright Jimmy if I read a page or two about you?" She asked the rider.

With his nod she began..


	7. Chapter 7

_"James Hickok is another one of the riders. He is an ace of a shot and sometimes let's that go to his head. He has the reputation of an outlaw after a man named J.D. Marcus wrote a book about him and called him 'Wild Bill Hickok'. But anyone who knows Jimmy can tell you he is nothing like Wild Bill. Jimmy may not want the world to know the kinda man he is but we see it._

_I remember when Ambrose Meriwether came here, he was trying to get the Indians to agree to let us ride through there land. Well his Uncle made matters worse. Ambrose challenged Jimmy to a fight and at the end I think we all respected him more. He tried to ride a horse and break it but was almost trampled. That's when Teaspoon gave him the nickname Bulldog. Well after the fight with Jimmy we made him an official cowboy, even got him a gun with the name Bulldog on the grip. He wasn't a good shot but we sure made him think he was, he was shooting his gun at some cans and missing badly so Buck and I hid behind him and shot the cans for him. He thought he was doing it. When the day came that we had to defend the land the Indians needed protecting, I got shot in the leg, but Bulldog jumped out and pushed Jimmy out of the way of some explosives. It saved Jimmy but Bulldog was seriously injured and as Jimmy was checking on him he died. I think that was one of a few times I have seen Jimmy cry."_

Jimmy had to defend the tears that day by saying "I was just beginnin' to like him too." A few understanding nods and Rachel continued.

"_Jimmy may seem all tough but when his tooth was hurting, he was a big baby. We all surrounded him and tried to take him down so Teaspoon could look at his tooth but he pulled a pitchfork, I finally tackled him Teaspoon got to look at the tooth. Well we finally got him to a dentist but he fought us all the way. We literally had to drag him into the man's office. Once he was in the chair the dentist convinced him that the tooth didn't need pullin'. He pulled a machine over and started to work on Jimmy's tooth but didn't get to far when Jimmy pulled the gun on the man. Needless to say that when the man passed out, Jimmy got to leave the dentists office. Later on that day though, me and Cody were sitting on the porch when we heard the bunkhouse door close and Jimmy yell. He came out several seconds later with the bad tooth hangin from a string. Cody said "It's a wonder he didn't shoot it out." I would have to agree."_

Rachel laughed at the thought of Jimmy tying a string around his tooth then the other end of the string to the door.

Jimmy chuckled " I didn't wanna waste a bullet" He rolled onto his side and looked over at Buck who was still staring out the window, lost in thought.

"What's it say in there about Buck." He asked knowing it would get the Kiowa's attention.

Rachel handed the book back to Buck. Buck looked at the book in his hands. So many things ran through his head as he flipped to the first page of the book. Buck walked back over to the table and sat down. He needed to sit down, his heart and his body was weak. He wasn't sure what his brother had written about him. He looked around him at all the people that had become quickly become their family. He didn't know what the others were feeling right now but all these memories were causing a few broken pieces of his heart to find away to mend them selves. He didn't think his heart would ever be whole again but he was going to put on a brave face and force a smile as he read the words that were on the page.

"_Buck Cross. I consider him a brother in every since of the word_..." He wasn't expecting those words to be there and as he read, he realised how much he meant to his silent brother.

"_ I remember the day he came to the Mission school. He was different, but we all are different, aren't we. But we are also a lot alike. He was scared and alone and so was I, he was names like bastard and half-breed, I was called freak and dummy. But one day when we went into town with the Nuns and the other children, I saw Buck walk toward a corral but as he passed the saloon, some big guys started callin' him half-breed. One of them threw a punch and before Buck could defend himself all four of those guys were on him. Well I couldn't just let him handle those bullies alone, so I ran over and started throwing my own punches. Don't get me wrong now, we were just a couple of scrawny boys against four big drunk guys, and yes we got our butts kicked, but as we laid there bruised and bloody- we laid there as friends. He taught me Indian sign. He gave me more then I could ever thank him for. A voice and a brother."_

Buck stared at the page almost in awe. He knew Ike was grateful but this was Ike, in his own words, saying Thank You.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you for sticking with me on this story. It has been hard to write. I will try to update agaiin soon. Just a couple more chapters. Thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8

Buck couldn't read another word about himself through the misty fog that was blurring his vision. He flipped through the pages and stopped at a rough sketch that Ike had drawn of a baby, with the name Missy underneath it. Buck read the words on the page that followed.

"_Sometimes things happen here that is almost hard to believe things that make you think about your own life, but just the other day Kid went outside to begin chores when he found a basket with a baby in it on the porch. Teaspoon found a letter in its basket that said her name was Missy. I looked down into the worn basket and saw the cutest bald baby I had ever seen. Jimmy said she looked like me, but I didn't mind._

_We all watched as Teaspoon held her, until he had to check on Jimmy who was cooking breakfast. He stood up and asked who wanted to hold her. Me, Buck and Kid all reached out our arms. Teaspoon laid the delicate package into Buck's arms and I was a bit jealous until I saw the look on Buck's face when he screamed "Teaspoon, I think she sprung a leak."_

_Well the diaper change went a bit off the map when poor little Missy laid there crying as Teaspoon stuck himself in the finger with the pin. Jimmy and Kid weren't sure if Teaspoon knew what he was doing, but I did. I gently changed her diaper and when her crying stopped I pulled her up into my arms. Holding her and kissing her sweet little cheek made me wish for a child of my own in my arms."_

Buck knew that Ike had always been great with kids and with out a doubt would have been a great father, but now as the heat again seemed to fill his eyes he knew his brother would never hold a child of his own. The leather bound book seemed to weigh more then it did earlier. He flipped to the last page of the book and stared at the words at the top of the page.

"_Emily Metcalf_"

Buck knew how his brother had felt about her and was happy that he had found true love. He stared down at the words and began reading them.

"_When I first looked into her grey green eyes, all I saw was my future_." Buck wasn't sure if he could finish reading, but he knew Ike would want him too. He stared around the room at the reassuring smiles around him.

"_Emily Metcalf is a hard worker and I could truly see myself spending the rest of my life with her_. _ I invited her to the dance and she excepted."_

Buck smiled at his brother's words.

"_I couldn't believe that she felt so right in my arms as I danced her across the we took a walk to the barn and I again I couldn't believe it was happening. The touch of her finger tips mad my heart race. H__er arms held me like an angel as I held her close to me. No words needed to be said but I would have been happy to die in her arms_."

As a lone tear fell to the page, Buck stopped reading and closed his eyes fighting to hold back the onslaught of tears that threatened to fall. Those words hung in the air around him. Lou wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Jimmy couldn't look at the others as tears stung his eyes. Cody seemed to be staring off into nothing as the words sank in. Kid sat next to Lou and took a deep breath as memories flooded his mind. Noah hadn't known Ike as long as the others but that didn't stop the tears from falling.

Buck let the journal slip from his hands as Teaspoon carefully reached for the book of memories. Rachel moved to stand beside him and squeezed his shoulder with one hand as she used her free hand to wipe her eyes. Teaspoon leaned into her strength as he opened the journal and cleared his throat, with tears blurring the man's vision he continued where Buck had left off.

"_We laid there content in each others embrace, hoping the night would never end but when we heard Buck calling our names I knew that moment was over. We left the barn and followed Buck to where Emily's father laid dead on the street. Neville had shot him. Emily was heartbroken. The same eyes that moments earlier had been filled with happiness and elation as she laid in my arms, were suddenly filled with anger and sadness as I again pulled her to my chest, her tears soaking my shirt_. "

Buck didn't know how much more he could take. He didn't know how his broken heart was still beating or why he still wanted to breathe the air that filled his knew how this page ended, as he stood up and walked out the bunkhouse door. Every eye in the room watched as the door slammed behind him.

Teaspoon knew his family was hurting and could only offer words to try and comfort them.

"Family isn't the group of people you are born into – it is the group of people you are accepted into. The people who have your back when it's against the wall, the people that make you smile when your heart is crying. We all may not be the same color and we may not always like each other but through the grace of some higher power we are a family." Teaspoon said to his grieving family. "That is what Ike was sayin' here in his journal" he ran his aged fingers over the worn cover and saw the tear drop fall onto the leather."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the long wait on the update. Hope it was worth the wait. Stay tuned for the ending. Thank you...**


	9. Chapter 9

Buck slowed his horse down and dismounted. He stared out at the empty prairie and the spot where he had built Ike's pyre. His heart ached and his eyes burned with unshed tears. He had always been able to hide his tears and keep his emotions buried, but Ike had always known how bad he was feeling and somehow knew how to make him feel better, Buck felt alone as the realization that the only person who had truly knew him was now gone.

He didn't know if he could go on alone in this world. He began praying and saying goodbye to Ike. He spoke words with his heart that he knew he couldn't speak out loud. Ike had always understood the silent conversations they shared. Buck closed his eyes as a simple breeze blew through the field. A lone cry of an eagle over head made him open his eyes and watch the bird as it soared above him. The bird's mournful cry carried on the wind landed on Buck's heart as the eagle flew lower and landed on a branch mere feet from where Buck stood. The eagle looked at Buck and their eyes met, and a sense of peace swept over him as the majestic bird seemed to look clear into his soul. The bird nodded his head at Buck before spreading his wings and returning to the sky, flying higher and higher until it was no longer visible.

Buck watched the eagle with a new sense of content. He knew Ike's spirit flew with the eagles and someday they would soar together once again.

"You know Buck… Ike wasn't the only one that knew you … I know you too." Lou said softly as she came up behind him.  
>"What do you know Lou?" Buck asked not looking at her.<br>"I know you are feeling like you are all alone in the world now, that no one else really knows how you feel. I know Buck. You ain't alone. You've got me … you've got the boys. You've got a family that loves you and loved Ike. You ain't alone." Lou stated.

Buck smiled sadly and turned to look at Lou. "I know Lou … it just hurts so much."  
>Lou reached out and pulled Buck into her arms as he cried, his head resting on hers. "I know … it hurts all of us … but we will get through this together because that is what families do."<p>

Buck held onto the small woman in his arms for a few more minutes before looking back up at the sky. He knew he would be alright. "Come on, let's go home." He said before moving to his horse, Lou by his side.

They returned to the bunkhouse and the family that they all had been accepted into, they would all go on together. As he walked in the door, Teaspoon handed him the leather journal. Buck took it with a sad smile and placed it under his pillow. He would always miss his brother but he would always have his words to get him through the dark times. He turned back to look at his family and silently joined them around the dinner table.

**The end**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you all for sticking with me through this story. Thank you Rosie for the help and thank you all my friends for the support.**


End file.
